All Different and All Beautiful

“How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!” – Psalm 133: 1

Have you ever noticed that when people don’t understand something or appreciate something they have a tendency to label it as “bad” or “wrong”? Are we naturally threatened by things that are different from us? I’m honestly disgusted by this side of humanity that seems to be the reason behind racism and discrimination in general. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t make it wrong. Just because you don’t understand something doesn’t make it bad.

Can we all just get more comfortable with saying, “I don’t understand that” or maybe just acknowledging that another person’s way of life, though not for us, still deserves respect and honor?

Sometimes in Christian circles it feels like everyone is competing to have the “right” answer. Topics are often looked at as “right or wrong” and “good or bad”. Personally, I believe this is an unproductive way of looking at the world. If everything had a black and white answer that could be looked up research style in the bible, wouldn’t it eliminate the need for prayer and reliance on God? My experience with God involves a lot of not knowing…and being ok with that. A relationship with God does not involve having all the answers…it involves faith and struggle because there is tension between our limited human understanding and God’s way of doing things. Yes, it makes life feel safer when we can label and define. We get to feel like we are in control, like we hold the power to judge and make decisions on other people’s worth. Do you really think that’s what Jesus had in mind for us as followers of him? To spend our lives turned inward analyzing ourselves and others?

This is the same God that created the sunset, ocean, rainforest, mountains, and stars. This is a God of variety. This is a God of color, abundance, and life. You know how I feel when I’m in a room of people heatedly discussing some trivial matter like which version of the bible is the “right” one? I feel bored. That’s the colorless, tasteless, bland life.

Have you ever heard the saying about Jesus being the light? As Christians we are called to be the light. Do you know that visible light is made up of different colors? When light passes through a lens or prism it is dispersed in to different colors of the rainbow. Doesn’t it make sense that when Jesus shines his light through us, being that we are all different, we would each shine him in a slightly different shade?

I think that we need to be more aware of the beauty in every different shade of Jesus around us. I don’t think Jesus wanted us to focus so much on “right and wrong” because what he really stressed was love. He said a whole, whole lot about love. Somehow, we tend to overlook that in our quest to be right. If Jesus calls us to live together in unity, but also made us each different, he knows that we are going to have to “agree to disagree” on some things for the sake of unity. Let’s not make our goal as Christians to be who can “get it right” but maybe to be who can love, give, respect, honor, and forgive. Just like the colors of the rainbow, we can all be different and still uniquely beautiful.

One way to line your attitudes and motives up with Christ is with the biblical description of love from 1 Corinthians 13. Ask yourself, “Are my thoughts/words/actions:

Patient?

Kind?

Humble?

From a place of contentment?

Forgiving?

Truthful?

Genuinely desiring the best for the other person?”

If you can’t honestly answer yes to the above filters…maybe just let go of that for a while and spend a little time admiring the beauty around you! 🙂

When Friends Offend: Navigating Conflict and Moving On

I think it’s safe to assume that none of us enjoy conflict. Conflict is just…uncomfortable. It has the ability to bring a relationship closer together if you are both willing to listen and work at it. Unfortunately, and probably most often, it can cause relationships to become weak or even end completely. So what do you do when you have had a falling out with a friend? What do you do when you have openly and honestly shared your heart and the person is unresponsive or does not validate your opinion? What do you do when someone has hurt you (maybe multiple times) and does not seem capable or willing to change their behavior?

This is the hardest thing for me with friendships because I tend to value the people in my life above all else. In the past several months I have asked several of the women I look up to about their past friendships and have discovered something shocking, we have ALL lost friends that we at one time considered near and dear to our hearts. I was so surprised that some of the most beautiful hearts I know have been broken over friendships ending. I am comforted to know that I am not alone and want to share some of the ways I have found to deal with friendship conflicts in a healthy and Godly way:

1. Review the situation: Is this situation occurring because you are being taught something about others or about yourself? Be honest. Did you say or do something offensive? If yes, it’s time to suck it up with an apology. (God can help you get your heart in the right place of humility by spending a little time with him first. The worst thing is an insincere apology…it will only make matters worse).
2. Put it in perspective: “But now, O LORD, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.” – Isaiah 64:8 The person who hurt you is clay…a work in the Lord’s hands, just like you. We can not expect people to be perfect and we can usually expect them to grow and change in time. However, only you can choose what is and is not acceptable in your life and sometimes that means loving yourself enough to know who should not be influencing you. If someone makes you feel bad about yourself or disrespects you repeatedly, it might be time to move on. It is important to spend time in prayer to ask the Lord for discernment since every situation is different. He may tell you to “forgive and forget” or he very well may tell you to “forgive and remember”. Being a Christian means being kind…that does not mean you have to be a “doormat” or a “yes person”. Honesty, respect, and consideration are not too much to ask for.
3. Remember Who and Whose you are: So, maybe you’ve decided to distance yourself from someone for a while? What about those yucky feelings you get when you see that they are spending time with all your mutual friends? First of all, stop judging yourself, we can not help the natural human feelings we have of hurt when someone has hurt us but continues to be well received by those around us. Secondly, understand, it is NOT your place to “enlighten” anyone about the person’s character. There is NO EXCUSE for gossip. Remember you are a daughter of God. He bought you with a price and He desires that your heart stay pure even while enduring trials. Again, this takes prayer because God doesn’t call us to be fake. He doesn’t want us to put on plastic smiles and pretend everything is perfect…because that would be lying. He is the truth and He calls us to be the light. He calls us to spend the necessary time being honest with him about our emotions so that he can transform our hearts and remind us He is in control. Remember this, God loves you and He also loves the person who offended you. You can never fight darkness with darkness so when you see the person who has hurt you, treat them with respect (doesn’t mean acting like their best friend). When someone else brings them up in conversation speak either positively or keep silent.
4. Keep Being You: Move on. Keep doing the things that inspire you. Keep listening to your favorite music. Keep meeting new people in random places. Be spontaneous and make new memories. The point is…sometimes we have to leave people behind in order to truly respect ourselves and yes, it hurts for a little while but, LIFE.GOES.ON.

Girls: The Truth About Pretty

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” -Proverbs 31:30

What’s the big deal about pretty? I get it, the first thing you notice about someone is their appearance. So for first impressions, I understand why people are so concerned with how they look. We all want to present the best version of ourselves. But the desire to be “pretty” goes so much farther than just desiring to make a good first impression. Girls are obsessed with it. Guys won’t stop talking about it.

Why does it seem like the most important criteria we use for judging people is based on their appearances?

If we think about this for a minute, it makes absolutely no sense. We tend to judge others and ourselves based on something that is not only temporary, but holds almost no weight in terms of being actually valuable. Yes, it’s nice to look at something that is attractive but…isn’t the ability to lend a helping hand, give wise advice, or offer a listening ear, more valuable?

Somehow girls get in this cycle of striving to attain perfection (which doesn’t exist) and it sucks the life right out of us. I’ve been stuck in the cycle before. The more you strive to look a certain way, the more you compare yourself to others, look through magazines, spend time obsessing over size and little details; it sucks the very life and joy right out of you. It’s not worth it.

When I went to Army Basic Training, as challenging as it was, I felt more empowered and more myself than ever before. I had my hair in a tight bun, wearing a men’s uniform, with no make-up on, but I was more confident. I was forced to be the most real and raw version of myself and I felt free.

Girls, I think it’s time we stop pressuring ourselves over our outward appearances. I’ll let you in on a little secret: how you look only matters as much as you allow it to.

When I was focused on my appearances, I was focused on what guys had to say about me. I was seeking validation and feeding my insecurities by surrounding myself with other people who were obsessed with appearances too. The crazy thing is, no amount of compliments or affirmation was ever enough because I was my own harshest critic. I realized that the people I was turning to for validation, although pretty on the outside, were not people that had many inner qualities I admired. Now, I surround myself with people who look at the heart as a way of appreciating others and seek to build up positives instead of point out negatives.

You know what pretty really is? Pretty is being there for the people in your life when times get tough. Pretty is looking to give instead of to take. Pretty is being more aware of others than of yourself. Pretty is realizing you don’t have to look any certain way to be valuable because you know that you already are.

Challenge: This week, every time you find yourself making an “appearance based” judgment about yourself or another person, point out a positive character quality instead.

 

Sometimes You Gotta Fight For Your Rights!

As children of God we know we have the power of the Holy Spirit dwelling within us, guiding us, strengthening us, and filling us with his presence. This is our birthright as princes and princesses of The Most High God. We are entitled to the fruit (or evidence) of the spirit and the enemy would love to try to tell us otherwise. This is why we have to fight for the life we are called to! The evidence of the spirit in our life is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5: 22-23). If you take a second to dwell on these you will realize that they are the qualities that help guide us through life. What else do we really need to overcome any situation? These are the qualities that help us forgive the seemingly unforgivable, serve the people who aren’t easy to serve, and reach out to those who are hard to love. When one of these things is missing from our lives we need to immediately identify the problem, most often it is a lie that has infiltrated our thought life and is messing with our spirit. When we are not experiencing the fruit of the spirit in our life, it is a nudge from God that something is “off” and sometimes we really do have to put up a fight to figure out what it is and take back the gifts that we have been given. Here is what I have found helpful for when my Spirit is lacking:

1. Immediately pray and ask The Lord to reveal to you what is going on that is causing you to feel this way. Remember to invite the spirit to guide you and have full reign in your life.
2. Try to find a place to be alone and in quiet to listen to what God could be speaking to you.
3. Spend some time in the word and see if anything is revealed to you. If you are able to identify a lie or obsessive thought, memorize a scripture to combat it. Write the scripture somewhere that you can keep looking at it every time the lie creeps in.
4. Give thanks- acknowledge The blessings in your life and thank God for them
5. Worship- listen to praise music or life up the name of The Lord in prayer
6. Serve – How can you touch someone’s life in Jesus’ name today? This is one of the best ways I have found to get my joy back!

Praise God that things are not always perfect or smooth in our lives because these little stumbling blocks send us running back to the one who guides us and fills us! He is our hope, our strength, our very life and He is worth fighting for!