Today I was bored and had the brilliant idea to search YouTube for tips on “How to pick up women”. I was curious about how guys think and the advice that they are listening to about how to talk to women or get us to be interested in them. Usually when a guy approaches me while I am out, I give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he is just being friendly or maybe interested in getting to know me. I was shocked to hear the advice that I found for guys on YouTube was mainly aimed at trying to get women to sleep with them.
I know I shouldn’t be shocked by these findings. I have certainly had my fair share of men going to great lengths to “get to know me” and then revealing their true motives with time. I was still extremely disappointed to think that men would listen to advice that basically presents women as objects and then teaches men how to make women feel comfortable so that they will let their guards down. It makes me sick to think that someone would manufacture a connection with me for the sole purpose of getting me in to bed. It’s disturbing.
After listening to these YouTube videos I couldn’t help but be reminded of the month I spent in Thailand working with victims of the commercial sex-trade. My team and I were not allowed to go out to the bars to spend time with the girls until we were able to cultivate love in our hearts for the men who were purchasing them as well. As much as it broke our hearts to see these men paying to use these women’s bodies, we HAD to choose to see them through the eyes of Christ or our work there would be ineffective. Hate can not heal. Hate can not bring light. Hate gets us no where but farther in to the dark.
As women, we have to be wise, smart, secure, and protected when it comes to men who view us as objects. As a woman with an unapologetically soft and sensitive heart, it hurts me to think of the girls who get tricked and fooled by manipulative pick-up artists. It hurts me to think about girls who think that they have made a genuine connection only to never be called again after one night.
At the same time, we have to maintain eyes of Christ for these men. We have to realize that they themselves have an inner brokenness that they may not even be able to identify. Are we able to pray for our offenders? I think this may be a big step towards healing for both sides.
I am not going to let the knowledge that many men are out there viewing women as objects and using manipulative tactics for sex to taint my heart.
I refuse to stop assuming the best in every person that I meet.
However, this is yet another reminder of our need for Jesus in EVERY decision.
He alone will alert us with a lack of peace when the wrong guy approaches. He alone will protect our hearts from insincere suitors. He alone will remind us of just how valuable and treasured we truly are and that our beauty and worth is so much more than physical.
Only Jesus can give us the strength to love our offenders and to keep on being brave, strong, loving women no matter what the circumstances.